A bride feels many things on her first night. And if it’s an arranged marriage the range of emotions increases. Nervousness is the predominant feeling. I personally was feeling forlorn right from the evening hours. I was adamant I wouldn’t cry on vidai(bride bidding farewell to her family and leaving her home) but soon after reaching his home I was missing my parents, my home and everything familiar to me. I was feeling very lonely.
And there was this tension between me and my husband. We were not strangers, we met 10 months before the wedding but there was this unease between us, which was new. While I was checking out his home (this was the first time I was there), his sister was decorating ‘our’ room upstairs. I went up to take something from my bag and I was left aghast by the scene inside.
All I could see was flowers. Jasmine over the bed and roses on the walls. I was so embarrassed thinking this was for ‘first night’ and wished I could just disappear. My sister-in-law, her husband and their kid were working really hard on the decoration. My 9 year old niece asked her mother “ Why are we putting flowers in this room”.
To which her mother replied “Your aunt is coming to our home for the first time. This is to welcome her. Isn’t it nice”.
“Yes, yes it is”.
And my niece enthusiastically puts more flowers on the bed. By this time they discovered I was in the room and their surprise was blown away. They shooed me outside telling me to come back later. Husband had come upstairs looking for me. I just gave him a weak smile and fled down the stairs.
Later s-i-l brought us inside the room. And we pretended as though it was someone else’s room. I didn’t know where to look. The light was dimmed and they went out.
There were fruits on the bedside table. And a glass of milk. I knew what it was for. But I hated drinking milk. I’m fine with coffee and chocolate drinks, but hate the taste of just milk. I closed my eyes, screwed up my face and took a small gulp and gave the rest to him. He laughed and remarked on knowing one more little thing about me. All of a sudden I felt too shy to even look him in the eye. We begin to talk nervously. It was strange.
This was the guy to whom I spoke hours on phone almost everyday and here I was tongue tied to utter anything. Gradually we relaxed and talked more. He was making jokes and doing his best to make me feel comfortable. The flowers and dim light helped. We talked for what felt like hours. About relatives, about good memories from the past and even about family planning. Whenever there was a pause, we would have fruits and take in the lovely smell around. Slowly the anticipation builds.
I would wait for pauses in between, but he would continue after a few seconds and made no move to touch me (he was waiting to see whether I was tired or not- he mentioned this later). This went on for a while. Finally, in yet another pause, I placed my hand on his and traced his fingers with my fingertips. This led to events making a beautiful night of many firsts.