We are super in love and going on 3 years strong, the only point of contention is really his mother. We just came back from a trip for his birthday, and it immediately turned to shit. His mom came over unannounced while we were resting and cuddling on the couch. We got home 30 minutes prior from the airport. She did not acknowledge my existence at all. I said “Helloooo” cheerfully and all she said was ” ____How was your trip honey?” to my boyfriend. 

That infuriated me not only because she completely disregarded and disrespected me, but also I planned the whole trip and paid for the whole thing as a present to him. It was the last straw and we are on a break till he sorts things out because my feelings are really hurt that he didn’t defend or stick up for me.

She sees me as a threat to her baby boy and is a very pretty woman. Here are some things his mother does

1. Mentioned above, she tends to come to his own house unannounced, she’ll do his laundry, clean the whole house, and drop by with food. I mean it’s nice but she doesn’t need to do this. She walked in on us, and once I came in and she was sitting there on the couch. All I said was ” He’s coming home pretty late” and she goes “I have the right to wait as a mother” He bought the house but she comes by very very often uninvited. She eventually left me alone there but goes “Don’t mess up the house”.
2. She texts me to take care of him, and when I send him a picture of us , she goes “Does he have any pics alone?” He is a grown man but also a MMA fighter. He is huge and can literally snap a man in half, but why do I have to be the one taking care of him? I definitely do, I am more financially stable, and take care of him very well, but what about me? She once kept calling me at work trying to see what he was doing. HE IS 30!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t fucking know I’m at work.
3. She intrudes on our plans. She made me cancel a hotel for MY birthday weekend because the area was not safe for him, and made me choose a more expensive hotel.
4. She is constantly worried about his well being and harasses the both of us.

There are no boundaries, I am at a loss. I love my boyfriend but am so fed up with his mother that I don’t want to see him til he figures out a plan. I am not making him choose between me or his mother, but I need him to stand up for me. His mom sees him as a baby so even when he tries to talk to her, she doesn’t take him seriously.

I know the ball is in his court as its HIS mother, but does anyone have any tips on what he should do? I think the thing is he is an only child and also being asian, parental dynamics are a bit different. All I know is I blocked her crazy ass, and I feel very offended. I tried talking to her once and she didn’t take it well at all and she always thinks I instigated the conversation if my boyfriend talks to her. She’ll be like “She told you to talk to me right?”