My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship, and his behavior has been increasingly hurtful and concerning. For example, we sometimes stay on the phone while he’s at work, which involves long hours. When he’s tired, he tends to lash out and treat me poorly.
Recently, I surprised him with a coffee delivery because he mentioned he was tired. I included two packets of sugar, not knowing his exact preference. Instead of appreciating the gesture, he was ungrateful and even swore at me for not adding enough sugar. When I expressed that I didn’t appreciate being treated this way, he dismissed my feelings and made fun of me, as if my reaction wasn’t justified. I ended the call, and he didn’t seem to care.
A few hours later, even though it was midnight for him, he called me to ask for another coffee for the next day. I refused, given how he had treated me earlier. He didn’t show any remorse, and I felt like he was only apologizing to make sure I’d get him coffee again. When I tried to share how his behavior affected me, he was dismissive and uninterested.
He asked how I was feeling, but as soon as I opened up, he cut me off, saying he was too tired and it was late and ended the call Abruptly , even though he had spent time gaming earlier. He claimed his outburst was due to being tired and stressed from work, but he uses that excuse every time. He’s often mean and hurtful when tired.
I’ve asked him to change, and while he says he will, I don’t believe him. I’m scared to bring up issues now because I fear how he’ll react. I’m not sure if this is emotional abuse, but I feel manipulated and gaslighted, and everything has become confusing.