Married Life
I’ve made a new blog to maintain anonymity due to the nature of my post, and because I’m fairly active on this sub as well as others, which I’m not sure I can name in compliance with this subs rules. I’ve decided that it’s time for me to tell my story, and in particular the last 6 months of my life, having seen the help that this subreddit can bring. I’m hoping I can be on that receiving end now
As the title suggests, I caught my wife emotionally cheating on me 6 months ago. We’ve been married for 6 years. As far as I know, she didn’t meet up with anyone, and for my own sake I want to believe that. We have a 2 year old daughter, and our marriage started going down the drain after she was born. For 2 and a half years we basically haven’t been intimate, she’s refused me constantly.
She stopped being affectionate, and she became very disrespectful. I tolerated it, and approached her in a loving manner each time to see what I could do to help. I suggested seeing a counselor, a therapist, a psychiatrist, everything. She refused all of them. We saw a psychiatrist once and she said that all was fine, and so she’s refused ever since then. I am extremely involved in my daughter’s life, and she is extremely attached to me and I do everything with her when I’m at home.
Even when she was a newborn, I was in there with my sleeves rolled up doing all the nitty gritty work, and I’d like to think that as a result of my involvement, she’s highly attached to me now and that means the world to me. She can’t go a day without being in my arms. I cook and clean and share household chores too
As you can guess, this began taking an extreme toll on me. No matter what I did, nothing worked, but I remained patient and tried not to show my frustration. To cut it short, 6 months ago I discovered that for the last 3 years on and off, she’s been messaging other men behind my back. Giving them the time of day, and her attention and emotional availability instead of her husband.
I pleaded and begged to work with me on this marriage, and she’d refuse. She sat up at night talking to these men whilst her husband was sleeping next to her after having been rejected again and feeling extremely hopeless and alone. I work so hard to give her the life she wants, upwards of 70 hours a week. I take on immense responsibilities in the home to give her free time. I don’t spend a penny on myself. I’ve been wearing the same shoes and clothes for the last 6 years, I have a 4 year old second hand phone.
I lived so frugally, but I said alhamdulillah and did it with a smile on my face if it meant that my wife and daughter had the things they wanted, which they did. Every penny went to her. I did everything for this woman, and gave everything, and for 2 years I remained patient with not a single ounce of reciprocation, and this whole time she’s been entertaining other men? I swear by Allah this woman is dead to me now.
After I confronted her with the evidence, she pleaded for forgiveness and swore to change. I made it very clear there is nothing between us now. Last 6 months she’s tried to be more affectionate, and has tried initiating intimacy, but I’ve rejected any and all advances. We saw a councilor couple months back, and I’m ashamed of this but for the first time in nearly 20 years I broke down into tears when I laid out the last couple years of my life.
When I explained how much I’ve given and sacrificed, all for her to do this to me. Last 6 months I’ve been sleeping separately, and I don’t talk to her at all anymore. I come home from work, spend a couple hours with my daughter, then go to the gym until midnight. I was always a gym freak, but limited it to twice a week to be there with my wife more. Not anymore.
I cook entirely for myself in relevance to a diet plan I’ve created for myself, and as a result I’ve been returning back to my prime 25 year old physique which by the grace of Allah, was highly impressive. She’s noticed and again has tried to be intimate, and has shown jealousy as other women from time to time take a second look towards me, but again I’ve not entertained any of it.
I’ve told her that if she can’t accept the way our marriage is now, she’s free to leave, because this is the way things are going to be. I respect her as the mother of my child, and will continue to be dutiful towards her in that regard, but I don’t see her as my wife anymore and never will.
There will never be anything between us again. I’ve told her if she can’t accept this, she’s free to leave and I’ll make the divorce process very easy for her. She doesn’t want to divorce because she doesn’t want to live with her parents as we live in a nice apartment and in a nice city, and she doesn’t want to separate our daughter from me because she knows how much our daughter needs me. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice, or if this is just a rant, but I am constantly so depressed. I’m so depressed and I take it out in extreme wa